Sunday, January 15, 2012

When It's Hard

Let's be real for a second.  This week has been hard.  Probably one of the hardest in my life.  Moments of doubt and confusion mingled with moments of clarity and trust.  Moments of despair and depression mingled with love, comfort and joy.  I don't want to come off as a winey thing who uses this blog to laundry list the things that go to crap, forsaking the blessings I'm swimming in, but this week has. been. hard.

I won't go into great detail here, but many of you know that Mr. T is currently in Ethiopia.  We received some scary/confusing information late last week - information that made absolutely no sense based on the facts we know to be true.  As more information trickled in, we decided late Tuesday that the best - the only thing - to do was for the Mister to travel to Ethiopia.  He left midday Wednesday.  I could write a dozen posts about how out of character jetting off to Africa with less than a day's notice is for us, how my husband doesn't have a spontaneous bone in his body (okay, maybe that tiny little bone in his inner ear, but that's it), no PDO and a boss who was ticked at this decision because of it's terrible timing.  Sometimes some things are just too important not to do what you gotta do.

Parenting solo has not been an amazing success, I think mostly because I've been trying to stay awake for two time zones which happen to be on opposite sides of the planet.  I'm not an overly emotional person and I'm not the type who likes to talk about things that are hard - things that make me cry.  I hate crying.  Obviously it is so much healthier to keep things bottled up.  Mr. T says I have the communication skills of a man and sometimes he has to read my blog to know how I'm feeling.  He's probably right. If you've tried to call me this week and I didn't answer, please don't be offended.  It's not you.  It's me.

When it's hard, God has a way of reaching out and holding us right where we are (even if that happens to be in an emotionally and communicationally crippled state).  This week he used six special women:

Thursday after work I came home to find someone had broken in.  They left this:
Can you read the note?  It says "I heard that the 'my husband jetted off to Ethiopia as Inspector Gadget' diet requires a cinnamon wheel too!"  Thank you Shiloh and Kendra.

Saturday I checked my mail.  It had been a long hard day and I had been living off no sleep, Diet Coke and adrenaline for too many days.  I was feeling a wee bit sorry for myself as I walked to the mailbox.  That's when God used four unlikely friends to show me more support, love and generosity than I could possibly deserve.  Four friends (who I seriously doubt even know each other and who practically span the four corners of our country), three of whom I've never met in real life, came together and sent me SIX gift cards to some of my favorite restaurants with a note about wishing they lived closer and could bring me a homecooked meal.  WOW.  I'm not sure I've ever done something that thoughtful or kind, so to be the recipient is pretty humbling.

Sometimes when it's hard, that's when we see the face of God the clearest.  Thank you dear friends for turning my sad tears into happy ones this week and for everyone's love, prayers and support.  I know I've said this before, but adoption friends really are the best!

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  1. Oh my......a day's notice??????  Yikes!  Bless you. I am going to dive into your blog a little deeper. My hubby and I have 3 bio kiddos and are trying to adopt a child.  We have been waiting on 2 lists in the US since last spring and the wait is no fun.  We just recently after much consideration and prayer and fear decided to try to adopt out of the foster care system.....a child under the age of 4. Only to learn the following morning that the adopt from foster system in our state has been closed.  Since then, I've been seeing more and more and more about Ethiopia adoptions.  It's peekened my curiously, but withought a financial miracle...I doubt we can do it.  We will see what God says.  =) 

  2. "Sometimes when it's hard, that's when we see the face of God the clearest."  I know this is true!  Praying for you right now. 

  3. I am praying.  Right now I'm praying.  I don't know all of the details of your garbage, and quite frankly, I don't need to.  He knows, though, so I'm asking Him to pretty please work His work in your family.  Hang in there!

  4. That is awesome. I love this blog. Love you guys more. Probably should add cookie dough to your consumption list. i'm serious, it's got some seriously awesome side effects like warm fuzzies, happiness and goodness. 

  5. thinking of you lots....hopeful things will get resolved soon.

  6. you are loved, loved, loved. we're praying.

  7. Oh, I'm so sorry that it has got this much harder. Glad you have been surrounded by so much love, but hoping that you have something HUGE to celebrate really soon. 

  8. playing with my new comment field ... this is a test :)

  9. You are Solo parenting right now so "success" has a different definition. Take it from me... if all kids are alive at the end of the day= success. You get bonus point- (and keep the bonus points cause you may need them on a day that you end up in the negative)
    +1 Bonus Points
    -all children have all bodily parts at bed, they started with in morning (+1 for each child)
    -you are still alive and breathing
    -children were fed enough to keep them going/nutritional standards need not apply (+1 for each child)
    Seriously- that's all it takes. Now..
    -1 for each hour you spend hiding / sleeping in a closet. (this does not apply if the game "hide n' seek" is employed.If that is the case you get +2 for multi-tasking, resting and entertaining)
    -1 if you scream and hollar enough that your children end up hiding in closet. But only if great sobs and tears are involved. Otherwise it's a wash.
    -1 if any of your children ate poo of any sort.

    That's all it takes. Survival. Oh and double word score if you or your friends hire help to come in twice a week to clean up after dinner so you can chillax with your kids and put to bed. When someone from church asks what they can do- THAT IS IT.

    1. As a full time single mom of 2 this made my day, totally quoting you on Facebook lol

  10. adoption! love it! I am adopted and my eldest daughter ( is adopting three from South Africa

    to be so loved...